“on Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.”

I love that I have a Father that teaches me such important lessons through all of my mistakes from the past.

In the past I was in a friendship that was 'toxic'. I put this person in the CENTER of my world. Christ was no where near our friendship, nor was He really even in my heart much. Everything that happened to this friendship would make my world spin. It ended in a hurtful way and I felt as if my world collapsed. With that being said- The friend that was the center of my world, that was incredibly unfair to them. They were manipulated by me, because I wanted to be the center of THEIR world as well. It was unfair to Christ! He is a jealous God who always wants to be FIRST in my heart, and in the center of my world. The whole thing just left a deep wound in my heart that is healed more every day.

Just today I realized how important the lesson from that was. This is why Christ says,

"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. ²⁵ The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. ²⁶ But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. ²⁷ The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.

I was TOTALLY a foolish man who built their house on sand! Everything that happened in our friendship (wind blowing...) caused my heart and my 'life' to fall with a great crash. I realized that even today- if my desire to be in a relationship with a man is more important and more desirable to me than knowing the Lord and being in a relationship with Him, then if I do get into a relationship it is going to look like the same thing. I will make that person the center of my world because it would have been the thing I was desiring the most- and if that relationship fails, or if that person ever fails me (and both are incredibly likely...) then my world will once again fall with a great crash. This cannot be! I can't live my life like this. My life needs to be built on the ROCK. On a solid foundation. On the only thing that will not fail me. The core desire of my heart needs to be Christ- so that when I do get into relationships and they fail, my world will still be standing. &I will not be shaken!

I am just blown away at the clarity that Christ puts into my heart. I'm praying that this coming year at SAU will be a time to really focus on my relationship with Him, and what it looks like to have my house built on a rock. I can't continue to have the foundation laid in my life be sand.

I am starting to de-clutter my life, and that began with deleting over half of my facebook friends! It may seem like a baby step, but it's really not. It took me FOREVER to go through and decide which 'friends' were ACTUAL friends. If I wouldn't hug you if I saw you, why are we 'friends' on facebook? It's just stupid! But with that accomplished I feel like it's a good start. Briana is washing ALL of my clothes, which feels great. (She needs money! I need clean clothes! It works rather nicely...) I am going to sort through all of them and make three piles: keep, give away, throw out. I've done that before, but I think I'm going to be more rigorous this time. If I haven't worn it in 6 months (and not just because it's out of season...) then I'm not keeping it! I should even make that 3. Or 2. We will see... I bought watercolor paints yesterday with Lynn. It's incredibly relaxing. I think I'm going to start painting more often! Oh, and Lynnie turned 18 yesterday :-). She got her nose pierced! And, we (Lynn, Sam& I) made cake, painted, went to Olgas, etc. I would say it was a pretty quality day that ended with a little bonfire with Briana, Adam Harrison, Lynn and I!

I think that I find out where I will be living at SAU in the fall, on Friday! HOW CRAZY! I move in in about 33 days. WHAT? I am beginning to really get nervous! I think I will be missing my family and my house MUCH more than I realize, which is why I really want to start spending more time right at home for the rest of the month. Which- will be a change for me, considering that I'm ALWAYS out and about with friends. But, a good change, none the less! Well I'm going to go! I will upload pictures from Lynn's birthday soon!