“on Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.”

I love that I have a Father that teaches me such important lessons through all of my mistakes from the past.

In the past I was in a friendship that was 'toxic'. I put this person in the CENTER of my world. Christ was no where near our friendship, nor was He really even in my heart much. Everything that happened to this friendship would make my world spin. It ended in a hurtful way and I felt as if my world collapsed. With that being said- The friend that was the center of my world, that was incredibly unfair to them. They were manipulated by me, because I wanted to be the center of THEIR world as well. It was unfair to Christ! He is a jealous God who always wants to be FIRST in my heart, and in the center of my world. The whole thing just left a deep wound in my heart that is healed more every day.

Just today I realized how important the lesson from that was. This is why Christ says,

"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. ²⁵ The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. ²⁶ But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. ²⁷ The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.

I was TOTALLY a foolish man who built their house on sand! Everything that happened in our friendship (wind blowing...) caused my heart and my 'life' to fall with a great crash. I realized that even today- if my desire to be in a relationship with a man is more important and more desirable to me than knowing the Lord and being in a relationship with Him, then if I do get into a relationship it is going to look like the same thing. I will make that person the center of my world because it would have been the thing I was desiring the most- and if that relationship fails, or if that person ever fails me (and both are incredibly likely...) then my world will once again fall with a great crash. This cannot be! I can't live my life like this. My life needs to be built on the ROCK. On a solid foundation. On the only thing that will not fail me. The core desire of my heart needs to be Christ- so that when I do get into relationships and they fail, my world will still be standing. &I will not be shaken!

I am just blown away at the clarity that Christ puts into my heart. I'm praying that this coming year at SAU will be a time to really focus on my relationship with Him, and what it looks like to have my house built on a rock. I can't continue to have the foundation laid in my life be sand.

I am starting to de-clutter my life, and that began with deleting over half of my facebook friends! It may seem like a baby step, but it's really not. It took me FOREVER to go through and decide which 'friends' were ACTUAL friends. If I wouldn't hug you if I saw you, why are we 'friends' on facebook? It's just stupid! But with that accomplished I feel like it's a good start. Briana is washing ALL of my clothes, which feels great. (She needs money! I need clean clothes! It works rather nicely...) I am going to sort through all of them and make three piles: keep, give away, throw out. I've done that before, but I think I'm going to be more rigorous this time. If I haven't worn it in 6 months (and not just because it's out of season...) then I'm not keeping it! I should even make that 3. Or 2. We will see... I bought watercolor paints yesterday with Lynn. It's incredibly relaxing. I think I'm going to start painting more often! Oh, and Lynnie turned 18 yesterday :-). She got her nose pierced! And, we (Lynn, Sam& I) made cake, painted, went to Olgas, etc. I would say it was a pretty quality day that ended with a little bonfire with Briana, Adam Harrison, Lynn and I!

I think that I find out where I will be living at SAU in the fall, on Friday! HOW CRAZY! I move in in about 33 days. WHAT? I am beginning to really get nervous! I think I will be missing my family and my house MUCH more than I realize, which is why I really want to start spending more time right at home for the rest of the month. Which- will be a change for me, considering that I'm ALWAYS out and about with friends. But, a good change, none the less! Well I'm going to go! I will upload pictures from Lynn's birthday soon!

Dear Self,

FEEL BETTER! You have a lot of things that need to get done and they simply cannot with you being this sick and exhausted all the time! I am over it!

Love,

Me

Ps: Right Ear- whip yourself in to shape. I need you to start working again.

:(

New beginnings.

"Complete weakness and dependence will always be the occasion for the spirit of God to manifest His power." - Oswald Chambers

Encouraging E-mail.

Francis Chan ‘Never Forget Grace’ Sermon:

E-mail from a 65 year old woman after reading Crazy Love:

I’m a 65 year old woman and I have just finished reading Crazy Love. Wow wow wow. I love it, even though it shook me and motivated me all at the same time. It’s easy at my age to fall into what I call “recliner rot”. To me, this means just seeking comfort, not much change, going along to get along, settling, etc. That is my greatest fear. That I will settle for status quo and just get addicted to myself and my family. It’s the lukewarm versus obsessed that you talked about. I want the rest of my life to be about more than pleasuring myself. you spoke about playing it safe. i want to be so in love with jesus that playing it safe is not a consideration when he directs me to go somewhere, do something or to make a change. I see people my age focused on traveling, looking good, having decorated houses and well manicured lawns, etc. not that there are anything wrong with any of these but PLEASE!!!!! I feel like I’m standing on the edge of something ready to step, and I’m not stepping. May I run for Him the race he has set before me until I just drop in my tracks, may I have the boldness, may I do something that takes faith to do. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

shleeepy and sick.

Ah, being sick in the summer. One of my top least favorite things. I left work today after being there for about 10 minutes because I couldn't help but cry when Kim asked me if I was feeling any better. I'm achey and sore and tired (which is bizarre because all I've done is slept...) and just plain sick of this nasty bug. I have so much I need to do, most of it requiring moving out of my bed...which just isn't an option at the moment. I'm overly stressed, though I'm trying to not be. I need to get my loans in asap so I can move into and attend SAU with no problem in the fall! Of course, considering I'm really on my own with the whole process, I made a mistake with filling out the form for an e-signature so it now has to be sent into Discover, and then mailed back to me within 2-3 weeks. Not excited about that...But I know God has a plan in all of this, and a plan to not harm me but to help me prosper! SO I'll just need to hold on to that promise as tightly as I can. Growing up is terribly scary...

I only have 5 days of work left at Bridge! Well, 4 if I still don't feel good tomorrow. It's crazy that it's almost over, I feel like I started it yesterday! Overall I would say it was a good experience but I'm not exactly sure if I would want to do it again next year, given the chance. Just so I don't forget- I'm going to make a list of pros and cons to highly consider next summer...

CON BRIDGE:

- Waking up at 6am every day. (Definitely takes away from the whole 'I'm on summer vacation feeling')

- Can't miss a day (I did- but it wasn't easy, and isn't looked upon as a great thing to do.)

- Takes up Monday-Thursday until 1:30 pm, Monday afternoons and Tuesday nights.

- Grading papers every night after a long day of work.

PRO BRIDGE:

- An irreplaceable rewarding experience.

- Getting a really good taste of what it's like to be a teacher.

- Working with awesome staff (and an INCREDIBLE boss!)

- Learning much about myself and about how to handle difficult situations elegantly.

- Getting the opportunity to meet the parents of the students (very interesting.)

- Working with kids, most of them annoying...but all of them adorable, I must say.

-Looks awesome on a resume!

- Unique job that most people my age don't get an opportunity for.

- Showed me how passionate I am about caring for and teaching kids! (brings me to tears!)

We will see how next summer goes! I really hope I take what I learned in Bridge and apply it to my everyday life, and future.

On a completely separate note, saw this picture and love it!