“on Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.”

I love that I have a Father that teaches me such important lessons through all of my mistakes from the past.

In the past I was in a friendship that was 'toxic'. I put this person in the CENTER of my world. Christ was no where near our friendship, nor was He really even in my heart much. Everything that happened to this friendship would make my world spin. It ended in a hurtful way and I felt as if my world collapsed. With that being said- The friend that was the center of my world, that was incredibly unfair to them. They were manipulated by me, because I wanted to be the center of THEIR world as well. It was unfair to Christ! He is a jealous God who always wants to be FIRST in my heart, and in the center of my world. The whole thing just left a deep wound in my heart that is healed more every day.

Just today I realized how important the lesson from that was. This is why Christ says,

"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. ²⁵ The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. ²⁶ But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. ²⁷ The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.

I was TOTALLY a foolish man who built their house on sand! Everything that happened in our friendship (wind blowing...) caused my heart and my 'life' to fall with a great crash. I realized that even today- if my desire to be in a relationship with a man is more important and more desirable to me than knowing the Lord and being in a relationship with Him, then if I do get into a relationship it is going to look like the same thing. I will make that person the center of my world because it would have been the thing I was desiring the most- and if that relationship fails, or if that person ever fails me (and both are incredibly likely...) then my world will once again fall with a great crash. This cannot be! I can't live my life like this. My life needs to be built on the ROCK. On a solid foundation. On the only thing that will not fail me. The core desire of my heart needs to be Christ- so that when I do get into relationships and they fail, my world will still be standing. &I will not be shaken!

I am just blown away at the clarity that Christ puts into my heart. I'm praying that this coming year at SAU will be a time to really focus on my relationship with Him, and what it looks like to have my house built on a rock. I can't continue to have the foundation laid in my life be sand.

I am starting to de-clutter my life, and that began with deleting over half of my facebook friends! It may seem like a baby step, but it's really not. It took me FOREVER to go through and decide which 'friends' were ACTUAL friends. If I wouldn't hug you if I saw you, why are we 'friends' on facebook? It's just stupid! But with that accomplished I feel like it's a good start. Briana is washing ALL of my clothes, which feels great. (She needs money! I need clean clothes! It works rather nicely...) I am going to sort through all of them and make three piles: keep, give away, throw out. I've done that before, but I think I'm going to be more rigorous this time. If I haven't worn it in 6 months (and not just because it's out of season...) then I'm not keeping it! I should even make that 3. Or 2. We will see... I bought watercolor paints yesterday with Lynn. It's incredibly relaxing. I think I'm going to start painting more often! Oh, and Lynnie turned 18 yesterday :-). She got her nose pierced! And, we (Lynn, Sam& I) made cake, painted, went to Olgas, etc. I would say it was a pretty quality day that ended with a little bonfire with Briana, Adam Harrison, Lynn and I!

I think that I find out where I will be living at SAU in the fall, on Friday! HOW CRAZY! I move in in about 33 days. WHAT? I am beginning to really get nervous! I think I will be missing my family and my house MUCH more than I realize, which is why I really want to start spending more time right at home for the rest of the month. Which- will be a change for me, considering that I'm ALWAYS out and about with friends. But, a good change, none the less! Well I'm going to go! I will upload pictures from Lynn's birthday soon!

Dear Self,

FEEL BETTER! You have a lot of things that need to get done and they simply cannot with you being this sick and exhausted all the time! I am over it!

Love,

Me

Ps: Right Ear- whip yourself in to shape. I need you to start working again.

:(

New beginnings.

"Complete weakness and dependence will always be the occasion for the spirit of God to manifest His power." - Oswald Chambers

Encouraging E-mail.

Francis Chan ‘Never Forget Grace’ Sermon:

E-mail from a 65 year old woman after reading Crazy Love:

I’m a 65 year old woman and I have just finished reading Crazy Love. Wow wow wow. I love it, even though it shook me and motivated me all at the same time. It’s easy at my age to fall into what I call “recliner rot”. To me, this means just seeking comfort, not much change, going along to get along, settling, etc. That is my greatest fear. That I will settle for status quo and just get addicted to myself and my family. It’s the lukewarm versus obsessed that you talked about. I want the rest of my life to be about more than pleasuring myself. you spoke about playing it safe. i want to be so in love with jesus that playing it safe is not a consideration when he directs me to go somewhere, do something or to make a change. I see people my age focused on traveling, looking good, having decorated houses and well manicured lawns, etc. not that there are anything wrong with any of these but PLEASE!!!!! I feel like I’m standing on the edge of something ready to step, and I’m not stepping. May I run for Him the race he has set before me until I just drop in my tracks, may I have the boldness, may I do something that takes faith to do. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

shleeepy and sick.

Ah, being sick in the summer. One of my top least favorite things. I left work today after being there for about 10 minutes because I couldn't help but cry when Kim asked me if I was feeling any better. I'm achey and sore and tired (which is bizarre because all I've done is slept...) and just plain sick of this nasty bug. I have so much I need to do, most of it requiring moving out of my bed...which just isn't an option at the moment. I'm overly stressed, though I'm trying to not be. I need to get my loans in asap so I can move into and attend SAU with no problem in the fall! Of course, considering I'm really on my own with the whole process, I made a mistake with filling out the form for an e-signature so it now has to be sent into Discover, and then mailed back to me within 2-3 weeks. Not excited about that...But I know God has a plan in all of this, and a plan to not harm me but to help me prosper! SO I'll just need to hold on to that promise as tightly as I can. Growing up is terribly scary...

I only have 5 days of work left at Bridge! Well, 4 if I still don't feel good tomorrow. It's crazy that it's almost over, I feel like I started it yesterday! Overall I would say it was a good experience but I'm not exactly sure if I would want to do it again next year, given the chance. Just so I don't forget- I'm going to make a list of pros and cons to highly consider next summer...

CON BRIDGE:

- Waking up at 6am every day. (Definitely takes away from the whole 'I'm on summer vacation feeling')

- Can't miss a day (I did- but it wasn't easy, and isn't looked upon as a great thing to do.)

- Takes up Monday-Thursday until 1:30 pm, Monday afternoons and Tuesday nights.

- Grading papers every night after a long day of work.

PRO BRIDGE:

- An irreplaceable rewarding experience.

- Getting a really good taste of what it's like to be a teacher.

- Working with awesome staff (and an INCREDIBLE boss!)

- Learning much about myself and about how to handle difficult situations elegantly.

- Getting the opportunity to meet the parents of the students (very interesting.)

- Working with kids, most of them annoying...but all of them adorable, I must say.

-Looks awesome on a resume!

- Unique job that most people my age don't get an opportunity for.

- Showed me how passionate I am about caring for and teaching kids! (brings me to tears!)

We will see how next summer goes! I really hope I take what I learned in Bridge and apply it to my everyday life, and future.

On a completely separate note, saw this picture and love it!

I need to just admit

my faith is paper thin
I'm feeling so burned out
On religion

I say an empty prayer
I sing a tired song
I need to just admit that the passion's gone

And I want to get it back
You told me
Look for You and I will find
So I'm here
Like I'm searching for the first time
Revive me, Jesus
Make this cold heart start to move
Help me rediscover You
I want to learn to pray
The way that David prayed
I want my soul to burn when I hear Your name
I want to feel like new
I want to hunger for you
Bring me back to life like only You can do
Cause I don't want to stay the same
You told me
Look for You and I will find
So I'm here
Like I'm searching for the first time
Revive me, Jesus
Make this cold heart start to move
Help me rediscover You
Lord, I want to be Yours today
I want to know the passion of the saints
And how they were changed
You told me
Look for You and I will find
So I'm here
Like I'm searching for the first time
Revive me, Jesus
Make this cold heart start to move
I want to burn for You
Bring me back to life, Jesus
Help me rediscover You.

Nashville!

I'm in Nashville!

We are here because my sister and her friend are auditioning for American Idol :-). My dad, sister Briana, her friend Nick, and my dad's friend Betty arrived at 4:30am on Thursday morning. After the longest& most exhausting drive of my life- I slept most of the day Thursday, did some swimming, and then we all went out at night for dinner and live music. First we saw a blue-grass band at a restaurant called Caney Fork. There were a few American Idol contestants that sat in with the band, Briana shortly followed suit...Along with Nick who was dragged up there by a hilarious old woman that we had just met. From there we all headed to the Wild Horse Saloon which was PACKED. It's a huge 3 story restaurant/bar with live music and a huge dance floor. Instead of waiting 2 hours to get sat and eat dinner, we sat by the bar and had appetizers. Briana, Nick and I then got on the dance floor and learned a line dance called Money Bags. That was honestly probably the most fun I've had on the trip this far, hahaha. It was followed by the Hustle, and then ended with Cotton Eyed Joe, loved every second of it...Even the buckets of sweat dripping from every inch on my body ;D. The band was really good there, but we left shortly after the dance to go check out other music scenes. Before leaving I bought a cute cowboy shoe magnet for my dorm's fridge. :D The last place we headed to was called BB Kings Blues Club. I know, the name already makes it sound incredibly, right? IT WAS MY FAVORITE PLACE EVER! We didn't eat there, only ordered a few drinks but the music was unfathomable. Being there really showed me that even though I might not be a great singer, or great at a musical instrument like the rest of my family is...I still have the same heart for music as they do. I was blown away at how much I loved all of the blues music! They played things like the Temptations and Rick James, and their guitar solos were insane. I bought a t-shirt there and a guitar pick that has BB Kings signature on it :D. After that musical blessing, we drove...well actually I had to drive...back to the hotel after getting a gross dinner at McDonalds. Fell asleep quickly after and here we land today! Briana, Dad, Nick and I just got home from the Cracker Barrel. I personally hate their food always, but the store is super exciting, and always has been to me! I'm not sure what we are doing for the rest of the night but I will probably be writing out thank you cards and starting my Psychology homework...Not the most exciting thing to do on a vacation but hey, I have responsibilities, unfortunately. Well...I'm off!

There are so many kids out there they are dying to have a glimpse of what I have. I can't count on all of my fingers and toes the amount of people that have genuine love for me. Some of the students I have, have nobody to love them. I waste my time and emotional energy on loving people that don't accept my love. I want to love all of the people who don't have love, that don't know what love is. I want the love that people give me to go straight from me and flow into the people I encounter every day. I want the love of God to overflow in my heart so I can pour so much love on the ones that deeply need it. Having this mentoring job is the most heart wrenching job I could imagine. It breaks me to see these kids that just don't know what it means to have somebody want whats best for them, or to have somebody genuinely love and care about them. Somebody wrote me a note today saying, "Why am I here? Why should any of this matter?" The paper is also filled with sadistic symbols and planes dropping bombs. Our first reactions to things like this is to laugh. That was my first reaction. It's not funny, it is heart breaking.

I will love you for you.

Not for what you have done or

what you will become. i will love you for you,

i will give you the love, the love that you never knew.

Welcome!

Hello friends. Yes, I think this is in fact my 1,000th blog. But that's alright, because I have a good feeling about this one! I think he's a keeper... Especially since I have a very new, very functioning laptop rather than a sluggish, 100-year-old, dusty, hunkin' mess.

I want to start recording my last summer before college, I think I would love to look back on this in years to come. Eh? I can't believe I actually move out in such a short amount of time. I'm pretty afraid, but probably more so excited. This is just a welcoming post, a short hello. I'll start actually posting either later today or later this weekend. Cya! :-)